Why do I always attract women that have less than what I am looking for?
Chris asked:
Most of my recent dating has been via online, with little success. It seems that the only women that will go out with me are curvy/overweight, have mental issues, and/or have a lack of ambition. I am the common denominator in all of this – what is it about me that attracts these women and not what I want? I just want a stable, decent-looking woman that is looking to eventually get married. I’m not Brad Pitt in looks, but I’m not an ogre. I am a single caucasian male in the upper middle class. Not looking for a trophy wife, but just someone athletic, attractive, and emotionally stable.
Then ask for that! Be specific. “Looking for female, ___ age, not overweight, ambitious, attractive and emotionally stable.”
Comment by SALSA — February 20, 2009 @ 5:23 am
Whilst you are looking for ‘just’ someone athletic, attractive, and emotionally stable, that person is looking for Brad Pitt. Most other people are as unrealistic as you are in their tastes.
Comment by drakaina — February 23, 2009 @ 1:53 am
Unfortunately, that is how the internet dating world is…it’s at times like searching for a needle in a haystack. Consider having one of your (female) friends looking at your profile, providing some advice on what you could do to attract those you are interested in meeting. And perhaps too, you should ease up on your standards a bit (at least when it comes to body type – I don’t blame you for not wanting to deal with mental issues or lack of ambition).
Comment by Sunidaze — February 24, 2009 @ 7:47 pm
Are using an actual dating site or just something like myspace, myspace won’t get you a life partner and if your using a dating site via eHarmony be completely honest no matter how bad it makes you look.
Comment by Alex — February 25, 2009 @ 7:26 pm
The laws of attraction cannot be explained with logic or reason. But perhaps you don’t have the “goods” to get your dream girl. It’s not all about looks or success, though that can help. Mostly it’s attitude. At a guess I would say you reek of desperation, even though you don’t realise it. The opposite sex can pick up on this innately. Nothing turns them off more quickly, unless they themselves are desperate. I’ve seen the most handsome of men fail to pick up because of this. Be more nonchalant. Pretend indifference to those who are obviously attractive. Gives you an air of mystery they will want to explore. And the best place to meet people always was and always will be parties held by friends.
Comment by *unhacked*=42watchforblankspaces — February 28, 2009 @ 2:26 am
Although we are living in a different era-cybernetic, I mean- human relationships must be done in PERSON, not via Internet. If you are looking for someone “athletic, attractive, and emotionally stable” you should put your computer away and start looking for friends in gyms, galleries, seminars, etc. Good Luck!
Comment by Didi — March 2, 2009 @ 12:23 pm
You are probably looking in the wrong places, also have a look at your own idiosyncrasies, they maybe misguiding you in your quest for a suitable wife. Have a good day.
Comment by wheeliebin — March 5, 2009 @ 12:38 pm
Then you need to look in a different place…. Go to the gym, the bookstore, or just a different website that cater to women with the qualities and interests you are looking for.
Check out Men’s Health magazine and/or website. They’re always running articles on these kinds of topics. You can also learn about showing potential interests the best and most polished version of yourself (which may be part of the reason for the kind of women you are attracting).
In other words…. If you ain’t catching the kind of fish you like, change your fishing spot and change the bait you’re using.
Comment by Shaman — March 7, 2009 @ 5:52 pm
It’s not you.
I think online or correspondence dating is always a jack-in-the-box.
No matter how you describe yourself or how you describe the person you’re looking for, you never know for sure what you will find…
Comment by Bird_of_Paradise — March 10, 2009 @ 5:21 pm
You are attracting women who are far less than what you are looking for because you are projecting an image that is far less than what they are lookijng for.
You say you’re not an ogre, but yet your “avatar” (I think that is what they call those little pictures, isn’t it?) has an angry contemptuous sneer that would do any sour-dispositioned, self-loathing ogre proud.
If you project yourself with that same attitude on the dating sites, I can see why no one except someone with very low self-esteem would respond. Ask yourself, HONESTLY, if you were a woman, would YOU be attracted to an image like that,or repelled by it?
Even if you are not using that same image in your online dating efforts, the same personality traits that led you to select it for use here are still going to show through in other ways.
Spend some time looking at the “avatars” you see on these questions and see what the images tell you about the people whom they are meant to stand for.
Which ones look like someone whose company you would enjoy?
Which ones look like someone whose company you would enjoy if you were a woman of the kind you say you want to attract?
When you have identified those, study them and see what it is about them that is positive and potentially attractive. Then see how you can incorporate those traits into your own image.
The kind of woman you are looking for would, most likely be attracted to a guy who is naturally cheerful, outgoing and projects a positive image. You are not going to catch a butterfly with soured bologna, you’re going to have to offer fresh nectar.
Comment by monarch butterfly — March 12, 2009 @ 8:30 am